"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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