I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
