At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
