it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
