I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
