do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
