looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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