the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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