One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
