I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
