Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
