Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
