drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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