My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
