Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
