Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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