So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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