She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
