Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.