And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.