Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
