dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire