One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
