It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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