No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
