this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
