and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
