i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
