can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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