you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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