I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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