he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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