pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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