We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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