pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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