I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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