...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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