So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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