ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
