Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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