I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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