Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
