i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
