I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
