Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
