i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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