so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
