so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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