I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
