I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
