if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
