I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
