I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
false alarm. still invincible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
