Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
