he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
