If i come over, it means nothing
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
