a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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