I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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