There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
