i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
