I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
