I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
