I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
