Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
