did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
