So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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