I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
