i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
