to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
