some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
