so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
