Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
