Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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