I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Boobs speak an international language.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
