I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
