508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
