Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
