Rock
Scissors
Fuck
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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